“ He is a man who is impossible to please because
he is never pleased with himself” Goethe
Perfectionism
The perfectionist is a person who has to get everything just
right- someone who has excessively high standards and these standards
are unrelenting.
The main feature associated with perfectionism is a feeling of
pressure. It is difficult to relax and enjoy life, the person is pushing
to do better and is driven at times to the point of obsession.
There is a never enough quality about perfectionism and no
matter how well things are done, its never good enough. Perfectionism
has been described as an “illusion which never can be obtained“. There
is a sense of setting oneself up to f ail, where standards are so high
that it is inevitable that you can neither reach them nor maintain them.
So, a sense of failure is a common feeling associated with
perfectionism and my lead to work related stress, “burnout” and
depression.
Origins
There are usually two common childhood origins of perfectionism.
In the first, perfectionism was modelled off one or both parents
who were themselves perfectionists. The second origin would be an overly
critical parent who criticized the child when they didn’t meet the
parents high expectations.
The costs of Perfectionism
The costs of perfectionism can be high in terms of health,
relationships, personal fulfilment and happiness.
Health
Health problems can be a regular feature of perfectionism,
where the person continually drives themselves to the point where their
bodies object to the strain being imposed, initial warning signs may be,
irritable bowel, headaches, high blood pressure, stomach ulcers,
colitis, insomnia, fatigue, panic attacks, skin problems or asthma.
Sometimes if early warning signs go unheeded then more serious illness
may follow, for instance, depression, heart problems.
Relationships
Perfectionism can have a high cost in terms of relationships as
well. The perfectionist can become so driven that its as if they cant
see anything in life except the standards or goals they are trying to
attain. Its as if they have blinkers on and they don’t see their spouse,
partner or children who may largely feel neglected and ignored. When the
family protest and try to slow him/her down they may get irritable,
angry, and frustrated.
Personal costs
In terms of personal fulfilment their lifestyle may be out of
balance. No time to relax, no time to enjoy hobbies, no time for
relationships. It may seem that the fun has gone out of life. Life seems
to be more about success, status, and material rewards. In a sense, they
have lost touch with their true selves and their deeper needs, they may
no longer know what makes them happy.
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